Express It | Solving All Your Problems
Dear ExpressIt,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over six months now but recently he’s become more distant. I have a horrible feeling that he’s cheating on me. How do I find out the truth? Do I confront him or ignore my doubts? - SuspiciousGirl
She says: A woman’s intuition is one of her very best assets. It is also something to be taken very seriously. That gut feeling you get about something is rarely wrong, especially when it comes to men. Men are stupid and their biggest downfall is underestimating women. Therefore I would think it very plausible for there to be some truth to your accusations. Based on this you need to become very stealthy. Like I said men are stupid, so if there is something going on behind your back he will more than likely not have hidden it as well as he thinks. Even just one random shift in a dark corner of Cubins won’t stay secret. Facebook is where you first start. Photos he’s tagged in, suspicious posts on his wall, new female friend requests. What clubs has he been in? Check their photos for evidence. Next is his phone. Messages from girls you don’t know? His phone is locked and he refuses to give up the code? Then he’s definitely hiding something. Whatever you do don’t confront him without any evidence; you will sound crazy and possessive. Happy snooping and ignore all of his rights to privacy.
He says: Are you actually serious right now? You’re not getting enough attention so you think he’s cheating on you? I wasn’t in a great mood anyway today but this has pissed me right off. You should maybe ask him if he’s dealing with anything at the moment and be a decent girlfriend instead of making everything about yourself. He may also just be thinking of ending it and trying to avoid you which I wouldn’t blame him for doing as you sound like a monumental dope to me. Anyway, if you’re going out with someone who you think will full on cheat on you then you probably deserve it.
Dear ExpressIt,
I am so utterly broke! I thought this recession was over but now I’ve been reduced to only wearing fake eyelashes on nights out and have had to half my sunbed minutes. Even with all these financial cuts I’ve made I still can’t afford the new iPhone. The shame of using the iPhone 4S is something I can’t bear. I need to get money and fast! - BrokeGirl
She says: Preaching to the choir here! Times are tough. I’ve made cutbacks myself and am paying dearly for it now. My hair extensions are in a chronic state, my manicure is days overdue and we won’t even mention my bikini line. Even with all these cutbacks I still find myself skint. I’m even becoming too well acquainted with Penneys and Tesco for my liking. Oh to go back to the days of Topshop and Marks and Spencer! But fear not, I have come to a rather suitable solution. While I understand that like me, you probably pride yourself on being an independent woman who doesn’t need a man to look after her, I think the time has come to make that call. Daddy dearest to the rescue. Put on those fake eyelashes you’re saving for Havanas, tear up and bat those lashes. There is no shame in this, every girl is “Daddy’s little princess” and so we deserve to be treated as such. I’m sure Daddy will understand that the iPhone 5 is clearly a necessity for you to own. You’ve already halved your sunbed minutes so you can’t be the only pale and iPhone-less girl in Commerce. To make you do that would be cruel. When he succumbs to your daughterly charms be sure to tell him he is of course “the best Daddy in the world” and that you love him so much. If he refuses, throw a tantrum until he changes his mind.
He says: Wow life can be so tough at times. A new iPhone fits snugly in on a list of essentials between food and a roof over your head doesn’t it. You should set up a fund raising campaign and replace all the charity boxes at tills in shops with your own. If orphans can do without parents then they can surely do without a warm place to sleep, it will help toughen them up. You on the other hand NEED that iPhone. God forbid you are out and you pull out your Nokia, OMG it would be MORTO!! Some easy ways to save money would be for you to stop being such a slag that you have to spend all your money on morning after pills. Also cutting down on the hideous amounts of makeup you wear would save hundreds. I imagine it makes you look like a slut anyways and you’re not fooling anyone. Actually you would probably be doing us all a favour if you kept doing these things because no one will want to see that mug after years of being sealed away from the world under inches of orange paste or your offspring bringing down the level of humanity. You’re welcome for the advice you self-centred wench.