"Slut" and "virgin": Let's throw these words in the dump truck. | Robert Joseph Bolton

Robert Joseph Bolton argues that the words "virgin" and "slut" serve no purpose then for control. Slut and prude shaming are a symptom of an insecure culture, which needs a better basis for self-worth.

     Virgin. A person who has not had sex. Whether this is due to cultural pressures or choice, the word is to me irrelevant, illogical, and conspiratory. Putting a label on something, socially constructed demands caution, because labelling is the nail of control. The hammer is the bully. Through history, virginity was an asset women were told to prize. But while the decline of Catholicism has diluted this idea, its usage survives, without any meaningful purpose but for the mouths of browbeaters.The sexual revolution of the 1960's broke away from expectations of virginity. Contraception freed adults from feeling like baby machines. No longer was sexuality confined to marriage. Hormones were let loose.However, fifty years later we are still in a whirlwind. Male virginity is taboo. Female promiscuity is sinful even in secular quarters. The freedom to have sex aided by the sexual revolution, has turned into the pressure to be sexual, breed by the sex culture that surrounds us today. Feminism has failed to muster its catapults against the deranged and cultural paedophilia that is the sexualisation of girls, which I see as the primary cause of "prude" shaming. Hugo Schwyzer, an author and speaker who has taught history and gender studies at Pasadena City College, says that the freedom to be sexual has resulted in the Martha Complex, whereby girls now believe they have an obligation to be sexual, forgetting that freedom simply means the opportunity to be sexual.For me, the word "Virgin" is a lame, cheap excuse to label someone, to put them down and shame them to boost your own "I've had sex" ego. Its connotations effect both men and women.A study by Girlguiding UK and the Mental Health Foundation found that girls "felt that images and advice given in magazines and online pushed them towards adult behaviour before they were ready". Girls are not the only victims, for boys are the ones who are told they only become men only when they have sex.In the movie "The Watch", Bob, the loving father tells his daughter "sex is for love" a sentiment echoed in various Hollywood movies. But what about telling boys that? What is missing in the current sexualisation debate is the lack of attention on boys. In 2009, CBS news reported on a survey highlighting that one in three boys reported feeling the pressure to have sex. What society must realise is that masculinity is a powerful energetic force. Boys will "do" whatever they feel is necessary to gain a sense of masculinity. One of these is having sex, which is sometimes seen as a form of initiation. Virginity for some men is a no-no, so they carry this pressure onto girls, but at the same time, men expect girls to be "inexperienced", so what we find today is a dichotomy between "prude" and "slut" shaming.As a 20-year-old male, I'm probably not expected to speak out against the sexual pressures society imposes on girls and boys. But I reject our Madonna-hoar complex culture as a stalemate chess game. There are no winners, only liars and fakery, attempting to live up to expectations of the status quo. I openly reject 21st century sex culture, no more than a marketing scam to which humans fall easily into like a mousetrap. I see it as a cruel and sinister sales technique. I see how it works. It evokes feelings of inadequacy for not living up to expectations. Nobody wants to feel inadequate, so we'll do anything to relieve this shame."Virginity" is old school. The word has no use anymore. In the past, it served as a control technique. But it is a disgusting concept, because it puts a negative label on something that is natural and beyond our control. Nobody deserves to carry an "I'm a prude" placard, like the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto, so young people's attempt relieve themselves of this socially constructed burden is have sex before they are ready, and regret it later. History sees virginity as a necessity. Today, it is the exact opposite. Big business saw the sex revolution as an opportunity to play with human's obsession with freedom. Pressure to conform is painful as it causes stress. Big business plays on this pressure, where buying the next sexy outfit or being sexual relieves you from the stress of being seen as "sex negative" and "unattractive". We don’t have a social culture telling us to keep our virginity. Instead we have a culture of “losing” it. But I say how can you lose something you never gained in the first place? The fact that men feel a pressure to perform and for teens to feel pressured to have sex at a younger age suggests that this sexual marketing is creating a generation feeling violated with their own natural "virginity."What I see is a western world where the sexual revolution has collapsed in on itself. Increasingly, women are pressured to hype their sexuality, supposedly because that is all they have to offer. Not all provocative outfits are a sign of freedom however; in fact, they may well indicate the opposite. From the moment girls’ breath, they are brought up in a culture where they feel their self-esteem can only be achieved by being desired. For boys their expectation is to desire these girls nonstop.Enter then, the word "slut", the mousetrap of all this allure. Coincidently, as I thought about writing this article I found myself walking home late from college to witness a wonderful act of kindness. About 50 meters away lay a young man in his 20's sitting on the cold wet ground outside a shop. He was homeless. What happened next was an example of how the world should base a women's worth, a world beyond the cheap bashing of "slut" shaming.Two women, with their high heels, deluxe handbags, short skirts and make-up, who anyone could easily label as "slutty" opened those handbags and planted a few coins into the man's coffee cup. Not only that, they exchanged in small talk. This is a prime example of how a woman's worth should be based on the goodness of her heart. But no, imbeciles must resort to "Slut" bashing, for they are afraid of the sexually active woman.Sadly, slut shaming led to Felicia Garcia, a 15-year-old Staten Island teenager to commit suicide. Her suicide has provoked fury and outrage right across internet forums. She is not the only victim in the chaos of the slut-virgin shaming dichotomy, but she should be the last. I say dump the words "slut" and "virgin"; they are no more than the tools used by the gender police, those domineering individuals who get a buzz out of control. Those individuals and those words are things we could do without. They are the product of an insecure culture.