The worst pop careers of all time | Ruth Ni Leannachain

We all enjoy some cringy pop now and again, but when does ‘guilty pleasure’ turn into ‘downright dreadful’? Ruth Ni Leannachain investigates.Cheesy pop is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine, and when I say cheesy, I don’t mean ironic faux hipster cheesy, either. I’m talking The Vengaboys and Daniel Bedingfield. But while you may still enjoy a sneaky listen Dido (while checking that your earphones are definitely plugged into the right place in fear of broadcasting this pleasure to Q+2 and forever being known as that person on SpottedintheBoole) you have to know when to admit that there are some pop monstrosities that can’t be enjoyed. In this issue, we’ve kindly listened so you don’t have to and picked the worst. Listen at your own peril.     Heidi Montag - Higher: Most famous, perhaps, for her part in hit MTV reality show The Hills, where her and her aptly named boyfriend Spencer (the) Pratt managed to make more enemies between them than Justin Bieber’s latest squeeze. Pre-Big Brother and post plastic surgery, however, Montag found time to record an album and film a few videos. Auto-tuned disasters that can only be compared to Rebecca Black’s Friday but without the funny, the video features Heidi frolicking in the waves and making kissy faces at the camera. Verdict: Not OK.     Paris Hilton - Stars are Blind: The title of this one would perhaps lead you to think that Hilton had written a poignant number about her crazy star incrusted lifestyle. However, you would be severely mistaken. In fact, this offering sounds a little like what Peter Andre would sing if he was a girl, and not in a good way either. Unlike Montag, Paris’ song does have a few things going for it, and to be fair the chorus is quite catchy. Verdict: Banksy hijacked her CDs in HMV, which is definitely quite cool. The song’s alright too.     Kim Kardashian - Jam (turn it up): Because anything Paris can do Kim can do better -  or at least she thinks she can - but where she won on reality shows and A-list boyfriends, she definitely lost in music. Kim’s track is pretty forgettable and rather than singing, one gets the feeling that Kim is just reciting a script laid out by some major producer who needs a dollar, she did give the money to charity, which is nice, but with her cash she probably could have just equalled the amount without subjecting us to this little number. Verdict: Turn it down.     Katie Price and Peter Andre- A whole new world: If you listen to this backwards, it’s actually the sound of anyone who ever enjoyed Aladdin screaming as their childhood folds, because back in the day, when Jordan and Andre were still madly in love, they released their own version of this Disney favourite on their joint album of love songs. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they subsequently went on to support Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest, in what may be the only Eurovision entry worse than Jedward playing two consecutive years. Verdict: Listen to Mysterious Girl instead.     Lindsay Lohan - Rumours: In the years before Lindsay went off the rails, she pretended to in the video accompanying her first single Rumours. Lohan, like Kardashian, is also keen for us to ‘turn it up’ but Rumoursalso features lyrics that I can only imagine were written by someone else about poor Lindsay’s life. This is some seriously angst pop and is definitely best left alone. Verdict: It has nothing on the Jingle Bell Rock scene from Mean Girls.