Are Women in Music Becoming Damsels in Distress? How Music Influences our Self-Esteem
By Opinion Editor Baneen Talpur
When a man writes a song about a woman he idolises her. He glorifies her, builds up this idea that she is everything, that the world revolves around her and just what they could be if she gave him the chance. However, from a woman’s perspective, things sound very different.
When a woman writes about a man, she describes how she was deceived. How this man built her up and then brought her down. How this man has destroyed her life. How she no longer has any idea about who she is anymore because of how awfully that man treated her. How she does everything to try to get him back. How she tries to stay away and “fix” herself, but the pattern is so hard to break from. By the end of the album she either reaches a point of self awareness, or to a point of no return.
From Guts by Olivia Rodrigo to SOS by SZA, I am noticing this trend of how some of the most popular current albums by female artists are following this pattern. They have a man. This man is everything for them. The man cheats or treats her terribly and they break up. The man moves on, nd ano one holds him accountable for the cheating or emotional abuse and this woman who is often gorgeous, talented and smart is left to pick up the pieces.
I understand that music is meant to be about expressing yourself and your emotion. After all, who doesn’t love a good breakup song? I love these albums and admire how these women manage to capture such complex human experiences and emotions in a three minute bop, but I also wonder, why are more and more popular songs like this and what kind of message are these songs sending out to young women?
According to Safe Ireland, almost one third of all women across the world are have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner. According to the BBC, 61 per cent women killed by men were killed by either their current, or former partner. These are only a fraction of the very harrowing statistics that women have to deal with. Women are constantly let down by the justice system and wider society. Any time a woman steps up and says “me too”, she is shut down. The man somehow always walks away free, on to entice the next girl with his mullet and guitar. Maybe music is the only avenue for these women to express their terrible reality.
I still can’t help but think about the consequences. Singers are often a role model for young women to look up to. Young girls aspire to be like them. They will buy the product that these singers endorse and will risk it all to go to their show. Is this because these young girls resonate with what is being said? Will men see these girls dancing away to an emotional turmoil tune and think, “well, she’s enjoying it so what if I acted like this too?”
This trend of women in music acting like the damsel in distress is very worrying. Their songs show that they gave up every part of themselves for the sake of the relationship. They tolerated so many things for the validation of their partner. The men did not love them, they just used them. They are highlighting the issue of emotional abuse, but it seems like they are not doing anything to recover. In fact the darker the song, the higher its rating on the top 40. In a time where women need hope, positivity and joy, it almost seems like they’re being told to try harder, maybe their man will turn around this time. To tolerate more, to be more. Get that no 1 song and profit but also come home to yet another girl in his bed. The bar is literally becoming the floor.
Women deserve so much better. We deserve to have love songs written about us, but we also deserve those lyrics to be followed through. Women are not a fantasy or in Olivia Rodrigo’s words “your teenage dream.” They are multifaceted just like men are. They have a right to say no and not have a sulk song written about them where they are vilified because of it. These songs are normalising that men are able to treat women badly. That they are allowed to disrespect them because she will try to come back anyways.
I want music where women are able to, yes write about break ups but I also want music where women are empowered and not just empowered when it comes to their sexuality. Any song about female independence and strength these days seems to be about how sexual a woman can be. Yes, it is good to see women finally expressing their desire and I will be the first in the room to get up and rap the entirety of any Megan Thee Stallion song. But when the only song about being a powerful woman is directly related to sex, it can send another negative message that that is the only way to be strong. It can commodify her to yet another product for the enjoyment of men, even if she is trying to sing for the girls. It furthers the idea of that fantasy that most women simply are not.
I will blast “Get him back!” In my headphones on the way to college but I hope that I get to sing along to a song where I get to feel like I am brave. I am strong and no man had to hurt me in order for me to feel. And to the men out there, save yourselves face and be decent, after all do you really want your legacy to be that that you were the subject of a Taylor Swift song? I know that you can do better.
