Bizarre Allegations Against David Cameron Cause Political Arms Race Worldwide

In the days following the public airing of a number of allegations against British Prime Minister David Cameron a storm has quietly been brewing among the global political elite. While for years rumours of the drug fuelled sexual depravity PM Cameron had apparently taken part in was whispered about at formal events such as UN Meeting’s and Angela Merkel’s annual Hot Tub Partypalooza now that the allegations have become public knowledge a new type of arms race has begun.The attention that has been afforded Cameron by Twitter, braver news organisations and social media outlets worldwide is the most attention anyone has paid to British politics since Scotland briefly changed its relationship status with Westminster to “it’s complicated” for a few days last year. While not necessarily positive press movements like #hameron prove the adage that no press is bad press as more people now know who David Cameron is than ever before. In an effort to also raise their public profiles politicians from around the world are trying to quickly put together their own set of bizarre allegations to skyrocket their popularity.  In an attempt to raise her profile and to distract from a number of other allegations being thrown at her and her camp, Hilary Clinton was first out of the gate to try to capitalise on this newfound source of free advertising. In what many hoped would finally be a reveal of the sex life of Bill Clinton, the leaked allegations from the Clinton camp included that Hilary had “cheated on a test in 2nd grade, inhaled marijuana in college and actually didn’t like the saxophone that much”. Little media attention was paid to the allegations.More successfully Barack Obama has seemingly engineered the perfect series of allegations to raise his profile as his time in office begins to run low. Reports that President Obama “had unprotected sex with an AK47, getting the gun pregnant and then taking it to get a late term abortion” has cause an uproar. While Democrats defend the assault rifle in question’s choice to get a legal abortion they highlight the need for better education on safe sex and proper care for firearms. Republican’s on the other hand are staying surprisingly quiet on the story in apparent confusion about even considering criticising the right of anyone to do whatever they want with a firearm, even an abortion to which they are morally opposed.When asked if allegations of a previously unknown sexual history would be breaking any time soon, Taoiseach Enda Kenny quickly responded that he would not engage in “such ridiculous game playing… Unless Sinn Féin do it first in which case I totally had sex with a car or something”.