Confessions of a Relationship Chameleon

Recently I found myself at the end of a relationship. Cue Spotify break-up playlist on repeat, junk food, ugly sobbing and Netflix binge watching sessions in your pjs. It feels like the world as you know it is coming to an end and this is how you plan to spend your final days.Post break up, thankfully for those around me, things have began to level out. Before hopping back on the tinder bandwagon, I took some time for reflection and I’ve begun to notice a theme that has ran throughout every dating scenario I’ve been in so far. I’ve come to the realization that I am a relationship chameleon.After patting myself on the back for coining what I thought was a new term that would be worthy of some celeb column in next month’s Cosmopolitan or Elle I did a quick google, and I found urban dictionary had beaten me to it.Urban Dictionary defines a relationship chameleon as: When a man or woman changes interests, likes and hobbies to accommodate with the current person they are in a relationship with. “Stacy would have never thought to gut a fish before dating Pete.”A scenario that sounded all too familiar set off some sort of lightbulb went off in the back of my mind. Flashback to not so long ago as I queued to buy tickets to go see the 50 Shades sequel. I am Stacy. If I didn’t check this soon, I’d be the one smelling of fish guts (and that is not attractive).That was not an isolated incident. Like a magpie building their hoard of shiny things, I’ve realised, over my (albeit short) dating history, I’ve began to accumulate interests and hobbies like shiny rocks. A few of these include:

• Adding the words “gal!” & “fab!” to my day-to-day vocabulary
• Lifestyle Blogging
• Beauty Vloggers
• Classic Rock
• The Kardashians
• Late Night Supernatural Marathons
• Tequila
• Chinese Takeaway becoming a primary food group
• 50 Shades of Grey

Now, I’m not bashing any of these things - enjoy whatever brings you happiness and fuck the begrudgers! - what irks me is that in my naivety, thinking I was being open minded and showing interest in whatever my significant other cared about, I absorbed these interests and hobbies like some sort of contraption from Christian Grey’s red room.There are some pros to relationship chameleon-ism (if you will), it can serve as a way to bond over a person’s interests and to try new things you’d have never otherwise tried but, there is a difference between showing interest and taking on a new identity in a relationship at the cost of your own.I’m sure some psychologist type could read this and conclude that this sort of behaviour stems from some sort of fear of loneliness, a person that wants to please everyone or low self esteem. Maybe it’s just a symptom of being a queer lady? I mean it’s a well known stereotype we like to settle more quickly than our hetero counterparts.All I do know is that with this newfound self awareness I hope I don’t find myself arriving home from a  tinder date smelling of fish guts any day soon.