Excuse Me, It’s Just That I Ordered…
By Features Reporter Oisín Henebery
As one does on a quiet Wednesday evening, I was distracting myself with Erin Meyer’s book The Culture Map, which examines how different cultures communicate amongst one another. You see, having recently returned from my Erasmus year in France, the concept of inter-cultural communication is at present very much exercising the mind. There is that reason to explain my choice of entertainment, and also my girlfriend happens to be writing a paper about it, so really my options were limited on the evening in question.
Although she was more interested to hear my views on her essay topic, my mind was distracted by a very interesting finding. In discussing the nature of disagreement, Meyers establishes that people of certain nationalities generally adopt a more confrontational tone to disagreement, whilst others tend to avoid conflict like it was one of those calls from your mother in the kitchen which is giving all the suggestions of a request for help.
Now I did not require a PhD in communication to guess the category into which Ireland fell. Having witnessed myself in multiple situations, I know that I run both from my mother’s calls from the kitchen and also conflictual disagreements. It is not that disagreement is feared, rather that once that disagreement enlists conflict, I quickly try to deescalate the situation. An inappropriate joke, a grinning expression, all designed as a means of subduing conflict. If only world leaders could adopt a similar approach to de-escalation, you might be thinking.
However, despite some obvious advantages to such a characteristic, thinking about it further made me certain that at times one should try to tame this trait. I have seen it myself, one specifically orders a glass Cote de Rhone wine, and a Beaujolais is instead served. Now my French may not have improved very much on Erasmus, nor my health, but I can at least now say that I can sniff out a Beaujolais masquerading as a Cote de Rhone any day. However, it is not the noticing that is important here. It is the summoning of strength, the mustering of courage, to raise your hand, signal the server, and repeat the hankering you have for a glass of Cote de Rhone. As I hopped from emotion to emotion staring at my glass, contemplating whether it was worth making an issue of it, my French companion sat opposite in a state of equal bewilderment and amusement. He would have had no problem complaining, he said. Eventually, I managed to redeem the situation.
Another evening, as a group of us settled down at a table for dinner, a similar situation arose. Orders were taken, conversation was flowing, an eclectic group of students who would provide any cultural expert with much food for thought. The problem on that night was in fact our food, however. There had been some mistakes, and not everyone received what they had expected. No snails or frogs, but still, something different. The Irish student beside me almost brushed aside the mistake, convincing himself that it was quite all right, only for another German and French student to summon the waiter within a matter of moments to swiftly sweep away the problem. Luckily, swept with it was my Irish friend’s plate. There had been no hesitation, no questioning. The feelings of the waiter weren’t of particular concern, no obscure interjections of apology were issued. Simply, the German and French students explained the problem, it was resolved, and everyone was happy.
But you see, for no reason should our desire to avoid conflict mean that we shouldn’t stand up for ourselves. Yes, none of us wishes to be that guy who is always complaining, nobody likes the awkwardness. But sometimes what is most awkward is the room where everyone knows something is up, but nobody is willing to say it. Next time my Cote de Rhone is off, I shall seek to be more rapid in my response.
