HEADLINES

BREAKING- Waterford Whispers finally sues University Express humour section for plagiarism.Science- Bruno Mars actually from Pluto.BREAKING- We investigate what caused your parents’ divorce! The answer will shock you!! (It was you.)Health- Irelands new mental health scheme named, “You’re Grand.” is an unprecedented success as the suicide rate drops to 0%.Health- ‘Accidental’ deaths in Ireland rise by 500%.Technology- Girl in her teens gets her dogs face surgically transplanted onto her own in effort to look more like Snapchat filter.Crime- Your friend returns from J1 in America as a Russian sleeper agent.T.V- Great British Bake-Off finale to end in pistol duel.