Horoscopes with Sandwich the Cat

Mystic Greg is ill today, so we’ve gotten a random intern of the cosmos to fill in. Yes, she is a cat.  Aries (Mar 21st - Apr 19th) - O(+iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii            +++++++++++++++============================ [Translation: I know I just ate, but milk is delicious, I demand more milk] Taurus (Apr 20th - May 20th) - ========================        ,                                                                                      ¬14o\awa qw l,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loo [Translation: meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow] Gemini (May 21st - June 21st) - yggggwqgfb’/pufdhsyyyyyyyyyy. [Translation: Now you I like, you once gave me some real good butt pats. You may live] Cancer (June 22nd - July 21st) - jdwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww’poiibt77b nm-ijdhugqvwe. [Translation: jdwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww’poiibt77b nm- ijdhugqvwe] Leo (July 22nd - Aug 21st) - koijshgdatfou7 tewfp=[;[lkdjh85dqgfrwtrye   8ru3y7pppppppppppppppppppppppp. [Translation: I could be the king of the jungle too if I wanted, jerk] Virgo (Aug 22nd - Sept 22nd) - shdaa;u o0m-21=--smjsbbsn]dddi9wqu8dhwg. [Translation: you will meet with an unfortunate end when you cross my path, human] Libra (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd) - qwdhugu86r2e97=pknlbvtsrdy21u09. [Translation: Pat my head yesssssss wait no….yesssssssssss-NO!....yessssssss] Scorpio (Oct 23rd - Nov 21st) - lpkoiu8y7e vxju08hushuxmwql;wqndbyg-221217vd ddlnnwdq [Translation: I will nap here. Oh, that’s inconvenient for you? Well how about I just nap here anyway] Sagittarius (Nov 22nd - Dec 21st) - mnjhgfsds90[ojs qhg---------------------09. [Translation: Thank you for buying a scratching post for me, human. How about I just ignore it forever, and sit in the box?] Capricorn (Dec 22nd - Jan 20th) - lkjhgs wew424424679-oijhsugyyidoppppppp/’DBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB7TYSG. [Translation: You will begin work on your FYP, but I want to nap on your face, so better clear your schedule and forget that notion] Aquarius (Jan 21st - Feb 19th) - kjhgHJLKJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJDHASIUWQ [Translation: You will meet a handsome stranger, who you will fall madly in love with. Go with him, you will find serenity]. Pisces (Feb 20th - Mar 20th) - kjhsgg02s,s;s’[qqqqqqqqqqqqqqkjh876refokaKzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [Translation: the cat legit just fell asleep on the Z key]