Men’s Mental Health Shouldn’t be Ignored
By Béline Chan
While everyone regardless of gender can experience issues with their mental health, there is no denying that men tend to suffer a lot in silence. Due to societal standards, men are often taught or made to believe that they shouldn’t express their struggles or emotions. This is related to the expected image or societal standard of what a “real man” is. Due to the high level of violence towards women, it can be forgotten or pushed aside that there are men who are also struggling, who are also experiencing domestic abuse, who are also victims of violence. We need to raise awareness on men’s mental health, and encourage those who are struggling to talk about how they are feeling and to reassure them that there are safe spaces for them to get help.
[Trigger warning, mentions of suicide and eating disorders]
According to the HSE, the suicide rate amongst middle-aged men in Ireland is the highest out of all ages, and the numbers have been continuing to grow. Suicide amongst men is higher than that amongst women in general and is also the leading cause of death in men. DrinkAware states that men are also more likely to binge drink than women on a more regular basis, where 55.7% of men in Ireland (aged 15 and over) report heavy drinking episodes in comparison to 20.2% of women. It is also important to note that 56% of men in Ireland admit to using alcohol as a coping mechanism for their mental health struggles. Men also struggle with issues that people might assume that they don’t struggle with, due to their gender, such as eating disorders and post natal depression. The BBC had stated that many of the resources that aid with post natal depression have been built for women, and that even the symptoms that are commonly associated with the disorder, pertain more to women than men. BodyWhys, the eating disorder association of Ireland stated that men who are suffering from eating disorders have been under-diagnosed, under-recognised and under-treated. On top of this, at present, there are no medical guidelines specifically for men who have eating disorders, as this is an issue that people believe only affects women. The lack of aid available for men who are suffering from eating disorders is a concern, as it isn’t only affecting them mentally, but also physically, as eating disorders can lead to serious damage to their bodies. When men are suffering from illnesses or disorders that people believe that only women go through, this can invalidate their feelings and experiences, leaving them feeling even more isolated and unsafe. Because men are being isolated due to the misconception of gendered disorders and illnesses, not only can this cause a further decline in mental health, but it can also impact and cause dangerous and long-lasting effects on their physical health as well.
I received some opinions from men themselves, about their experience and thoughts on men’s mental health. One person said that he thinks there are a lot of social pressures which influence how men deal with their struggles. He said that men are pressured by society to be strong, for themselves and their families, and that if men are struggling with their mental health, it is seen as being weak. From his own experiences, he said that when he first went to therapy, the therapist did not take his mental health struggles seriously in the beginning, and was quite cold towards his emotions. Before university, he attended a mixed-gender secondary school, and because of this, he felt comfortable to talk about his mental health with his female friends, but he stated that there was no chance that he would have been able to openly talk about his struggles with the male students. I asked him what could be done to help this situation, where men’s mental health is being pushed aside, and he personally feels that celebrities and influential figures could help this. If more male celebrities and public figures spoke about their own mental health, it could influence men to be more open with their own struggles, and to reassure them that they are not alone, and that they can speak out on their issues. Seeing influential people come out with their own struggles could inspire them to move through the stigma and also spread awareness to others that men do struggle with their mental health, and it is not to be ignored. He also thinks that mental health should be spoken about in school, therefore everyone would get the equal attention, advice and help that they would need, and that there would be no stigma around it. He also thinks that the medical system needs to improve as it shouldn’t take so long or be so complicated to see a therapist.
Another person told me that men’s mental health problems are generally not treated because they aren’t even talked about in the first place. He says that people tend to recognise that men also have their struggles, but it never goes further than that. Prior to university, he attended an all-boys secondary school, and he said the issues they had would be ignored, therefore he would think, what is the point of talking about your issues, if they are just going to be ignored anyways. He feels like hyper masculinity is a cause for men not wanting to open up about their problems. When asked about ways to improve this issue, he mentioned that mental health advertisements tend to promote women, and that men aren’t included. If these advertisements were equal, then maybe more men would feel comfortable enough to reach out for help.
Somebody else said that as a child, he grew up being taught that men can deal with any issues, therefore opening up about your feelings or issues isn’t manly. Even to this day, most of this thinking that was ingrained in him, is still there. This makes him feel terrified to talk about how he is truly feeling, and is scared that he will be judged for how he feels if he does share his thoughts. After years of keeping these issues to himself, it had led him to having suicidal thoughts. Another person said that he has two friends who are suicidal but that the healthcare system isn’t doing anything to help.
It is evident that men’s mental health has been pushed in the dark due to societal standards. Men are afraid to reach out or speak up because it could damage the idealisation of being macho, and their issues are ignored when they do try and reach out. It needs to be accepted in society that anyone, regardless of gender, can struggle with mental health issues. Creating a safe and equal space for men should be a priority over creating an idealised image for what every man should be like. Not talking about your issues can lead to a build-up, where men might start turning towards unhealthy ways as coping mechanisms, such as alcohol abuse, self-harm, drug use, suicidal thoughts, and isolating themselves from others. When men feel like there are no safe spaces to talk about their issues and reach for help, they are given no choice other than dealing with it themselves, in silence.
Children need to be educated on mental health so that they don’t grow up feeling like they can’t share their ideas or seek help due to their gender, instead of having gender-roles and masculine norms which are severely impacting the men’s mental health community. Regardless of your gender, everyone should accept that men can also have mental health issues and that there are services that can help them. There needs to be more services that also advertise to men, services that apply to everyone. The health system needs to improve so that attaining these services can be more accessible and feasible. And yes, there is a mental health awareness day for men, but one day of awareness is not enough. There shouldn’t be just one day where people don’t ignore the fact that there are men struggling. Every day should be an option for someone to seek help and talk about their issues, in a safe environment. Men’s mental health is valid, and all men should be taught that it’s okay to talk about your issues, it’s okay to reach out for help, and it’s okay to express your emotions. Let’s create a safe space for men and their health.
If you or anyone you know is struggling, here are some resources:
https://www.mensaid.ie/ (Men’s Aid: a national service for men, their children and families who are going through domestic violence and abuse).
https://www.pieta.ie (A free service for those who are struggling with self-harm, suicidal thoughts or have been affected by suicide).
https://connectcounselling.ie (A free service for those who have gone through abuse, trauma, neglect)
https://www.samaritans.org/ireland/samaritans-ireland/ (A charity that helps those who are struggling with mental health, who are feeling suicidal, lonely, distressed).
https://www.aware.ie (Depression and bi-polar disorder support).
http://www.bodywhys.ie/?external=1 (Aiding those with eating disorders).