Scientific Breakthrough Leads to Boost in UCC Tourism

The shouts of glee from UCC’s Tourism board could be heard for miles around as news of a new scientific breakthrough from the Western Gateway Building emerged. While one doesn’t necessarily associate science and tourism, this development is believed to boost visitor numbers to the college by at least 200 percent. While some in the global scientific community are concerned by the ethics associated with this, Eternal President & Glorious Leader Michael Murphy has pushed ahead with the project while outright denying claims that tests were performed on live subjects, claiming that “Law students don’t count.”The project, started in the 1970s, first proved successful late last year when the first test subject cheated death and returned to the life of the living. This subject, Law Clinical student Lex Rawler, succeeded in getting the shift in the Old Bar despite having died sometime in the 1970s. This experiment, while blazing a trail when it comes to the possibility of immortality, was not really noticed or mentioned by the college until the President, following a €5 note blowing in the breeze, bumped into the bust of George Boole and inspiration struck.From next month onwards tourists will be able to visit the shambling corpse of George Boole himself for the low-low cost of €3000. Dubbed ‘Algebraic Park’ by locals, UCC have converted massive parts of campus to their latest money-making scheme. The Boole Library will house the main exhibit of the eponymous zombie. The ORB (with the B now standing for ‘Boole’) will be converted into a hunting lodge where BIS students will be forced to run the gauntlet and escape the wealthy businessmen who have paid top dollar to hunt the deadliest game of all: a student with career prospects. For those too squeamish for the hunt the New Bar (with the B now standing for ‘Boole’) will be playing replays on repeat.While this and other attractions in this new academic theme park have been well-received, the main draw for the park is the aforementioned reanimation of the only lecturer UCC have ever had; the award-winning Kane Building (with the K now standing for ‘Boole’) will play host to the exhibition hall. For only €3000 visitors will be able to pet, play fetch with and take pictures with the formerly deceased mathematician. While it had been rumoured that people would be able to feed Arts students to the shambling heap of bones & rotting flesh that is Boole, President Murphy denied that that would be happening because, as he put it, “no no, that won’t be happening. We plan to only feed him the finest Neuroscience students the promise of qualifications can buy.” When asked about the effect these changes would have on lectures and studies the President acted dumbfounded that we thought that whats a university was for. He refused to comment on rumours the mummy hidden in the library had been brought back to life and was wandering through the Windle building, as the Windle building is unsafe for all forms of life.