Sexpress Yourself
By Ciara Barrett (Sexpress Editor)
Sex can be awkward, and even embarassing at times. We’ve all been there, we’ve all had moments that we’d just rather forget, or ones that have become a funny inside joke. We need to normalise awkward and embarrassing sex moments, and thankfully some lovely people over on Jodel have come to help with that! I have put together some awkward, embarrassing, and funny stories from UCC students to show you that you’re not alone, and that it could always be worse.
Killing the Mood
‘I once had an asthma attack when blindfolded and tied up, while giving head. Let’s just say the mood was dead, and I nearly was too.’
Besties?
‘In the middle of it, like actually thrusting etc, he said “You just want to be friends right?”’
Hole in One
‘His father walked in and had a full conversation with him about golf while he was still inside me. My first reaction was just to hide under the covers, which made things ten times worse because I was stuck hiding under there until he left!’
In the Closet
‘I’m a bit of an introvert, but I went to a club for Pride one year. An older man came up to me and asked me if I wanted to see his wardrobe. People were drunk, I thought maybe he was coming out. I was wrong. He showed me a picture. My only reaction was “oh…that’s a lot of whips…” I think I might have been a little too innocent for that place…’
There’s a Last Time for Everything
‘I was giving a guy head and he pushed my head down. I threw up all over it. Safe to say I don’t give guys head anymore.’
‘This is the skin of a killer Bella’
‘I got my period while a guy was eating me out. He still finished the job though.’
I asked my partner for an anime reference and they couldn’t think of anything
‘He got a nosebleed because he was so excited to see a girl naked.’
To paraphrase Phineas and Ferb…
‘If i had 10c for every time I got called the n word during sex I’d have 40c… which isn’t a lot, but it IS weird that it happened four times, right?’
Better late than never
‘I was talking to this guy, and we agreed to meet up for coffee. I let him know I’d be a few minutes late. I was there 5 minutes after the time we set, and he told me he just wanted to take me home but I was too late and the mood was dead. It was five minutes…’
Sweet Home Alabama
‘I was having sex with a girl once and she said her brothers name instead of mine, and then tried to gaslight me about.’
Russia’s Greatest Love Machine
‘My first time with my partner was a really emotional time for both of us, and to calm me down afterwards my partner decided to tell me the entire history of the fall of the Russian Empire. And it worked.’
If it’s worth anything at all, I hope these stories make you laugh. It’s important to remember that sex isn’t like it is in the movies, and that it’s often more embarrassing than not. We need to remember not to take ourselves too seriously during sex. For some people (me included) it’s completely normal to burst out laughing during sex purely from remembering a funny story or just a random thought. Odds are that anyone you ever have sex with feels just as awkward as you do, and they might be just as afraid to accidentally start laughing or to say the wrong thing. A little awkwardness never hurt anyone, and most likely won’t even be remembered in the long run. You’ll always remember the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else does!
As long as it’s safe and consensual, have some fun with it! Don’t stress out about embarrassing yourself, one day it might be a story to make someone else feel better.