So Quick to Blame: A Conversation on Societal Expectations and Parental Problems
By Sexpress Editor Sofia Tinne
Recently, I was discussing family issues with a friend. As I sat there and listened to her rant about how her parents are at fault for the emotional absence she experiences in regards to romantic and platonic love, it got me thinking as to where these issues have taken root, and why these topics have gained in popularity over the years.
Let’s talk about daddy issues. I know, you probably feel a little bit uncomfortable right now, and that’s fair enough, but have people really ever wondered where they come from? And not just daddy issues, but mommy issues? Let’s take a deep dive, shall we?
Communication is essential in adult consensual partnerships. In order to guarantee that each partner feels appreciated and understood, partners should be honest about their desires, boundaries, and comfort levels.
I will start by saying that adopting the term ‘daddy’ during sexual relations is not always associated with ‘daddy issues,’ and drawing such a broad conclusion oversimplifies the nuanced nature of human sexuality. A range of elements, such as individual desires, societal influences, and personal experiences, shape people’s choices and preferences during intimate moments. Although some people may find it enjoyable to use the phrase in consensual role-playing, it’s crucial to understand that not everyone who does so has unresolved psychological issues pertaining to their connection with their father. During private times, people do a variety of things, and everyone has different tastes. ‘Daddy issues’ are often defined as unresolved emotional difficulties resulting from difficult father-child interactions. This psychological phrase is frequently employed to characterise behavioural patterns or emotional disorders that may emerge in people who had troubled relationships with their fathers throughout their early years. But it’s crucial to refrain from assuming anything about someone’s mental health based just on the language or actions they employ in the bedroom. Communication is essential in adult consensual partnerships. In order to guarantee that each partner feels appreciated and understood, partners should be honest about their desires, boundaries, and comfort levels. A therapist or counsellor can offer a more individualised and knowledgeable viewpoint if someone is worried about their own psychological well-being or the dynamics in their relationships. And the same goes for using the term ‘mommy’.
Right, back to the point.
The terms ‘Mommy issues’ and ‘Daddy issues’ describe the psychological difficulties that people may experience as a result of having a poor or non-existent relationship with their mothers or fathers, respectively. These problems can show themselves as difficulties establishing and sustaining healthy relationships, seeking approval from others, or experiencing low self-esteem. These problems frequently have childhood roots, including emotional deprivation, uneven parenting, or traumatic experiences. Insecurities and emotional vulnerabilities that last into adulthood can arise from a parent’s lack of emotional support or from their positive role modelling at critical developmental phases.
Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud investigated how early experiences shaped an individual's personality. He presented the Oedipus and Electra complexes, which are associated with his developmental stages of psychosexuality. According to Freud, infants have unconscious sexual impulses for their opposite-sex parent and see their same-sex parent as a competition throughout the phallic stage, which lasts from ages 3 to 6. Discourse about ‘daddy’ and ‘mommy issues’ in popular culture can occasionally get sexualized, especially when it comes to conjugal dynamics. This may be ascribed to an oversimplification or misinterpretation of Freud’s theories, wherein an excessive emphasis is placed on sexual development… Ehm yeah alright Freud.
So, it is pretty much Freud’s fault as to why society nowadays over sexualizes parental issues. Yay, thanks Freud. (I couldn’t talk about parental issues without sneaking Freud in here somehow).
It frequently takes self-awareness, counselling, and a dedication to giving one’s own children a better, healthier environment to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.
Parental issues don’t always derive from the parent ‘creating problems.’ Oftentimes it is due to their own trauma from their childhood that they haven’t been able to overcome. In psychology and mental health, there is a known trend that suggests people with challenging or traumatic childhoods may experience difficulties as parents. This process is commonly known as the cycle of abuse or the intergenerational transfer of trauma. Kids frequently take behavioural cues from their parents. Parents who were subjected to abuse, neglect, or trauma as children may unknowingly carry out similar behaviours as parents. As a result, there may be a cycle of unhealthy behaviours that are inherited by subsequent generations.
It frequently takes self-awareness, counselling, and a dedication to giving one’s own children a better, healthier environment to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma. Breaking bad habits and promoting excellent parenting may include acknowledging the influence of one's own early experiences and getting help. Helping someone confront and get past the obstacles brought on by a challenging upbringing can be greatly aided by therapy, counselling, and support groups. In the twentieth century, there were constant stigmas where women were the primary caretakers and men had to repress their emotions, and that is still a thing even now in the twenty-first century. However, there has been a change in the direction of greater transparency and understanding regarding emotional and mental health. Individuals are more open to talking about and getting support for emotional problems, even those involving familial dynamics. Consequently, conversations concerning parent-child dynamics and their influence on adult conduct have increased in frequency. So, families are actually talking and communicating with each other! Fantastic. About time.
I won’t leave all the blame on Freud or the time period though, because the media has a huge impact in shaping people nowadays. The way that family dynamics are portrayed in popular culture and the media greatly influences how society views these relationships. Films, television series, and books frequently examine intricate family dynamics, as well as the effects of different parenting philosophies on people. These representations may have a role in the popularity of conversations about ‘daddy issues’ and ‘mommy issues.’ Media sources, especially tabloids and gossip magazines, have a tendency of exaggerating personal accounts and relationships by interpreting them as psychological problems. Particularly when it comes to celebrity storylines, simple answers are occasionally provided, and phrases like ‘daddy issues’ are sometimes employed to make attention-grabbing headlines or spread rumours. Psychological drama and thriller media genres frequently explore characters’ unresolved family difficulties and prior traumas. These kinds of stories might reinforce the notion that dysfunctional parent-child relationships are typical and that these ties result in particular adult behaviours, which can support the phrase ‘daddy issues.’
‘Daddy issues’ is a concept that may contribute to the oversexualization of women and young girls.
The term ‘daddy issues’ can be incredibly harmful for young girls specifically. It can reinforce unfavourable preconceptions and beliefs and is frequently used in a stigmatising or dismissive manner. The phrase implies that unresolved issues with their fathers are the cause of specific behaviours or emotional difficulties in girls or women. This oversimplification runs the risk of pathologizing people’s natural emotional reactions to situations they may encounter. Putting someone under the ‘daddy issues’ label might exacerbate feelings of inferiority and guilt. It suggests that there is a fundamental flaw in the person, which may deter them from asking for assistance or being honest about their struggles. ‘Daddy issues’ is a concept that may contribute to the oversexualization of women and young girls. The term is frequently tied to preconceptions that imply a young woman’s actions, particularly when it comes to relationships, are directly related to her father. This story’s sensationalised and oversimplified portrayal may unintentionally lead to a sexualized understanding of the term. In casual conversations and popular culture, the term ‘daddy issues’ can reinforce negative stereotypes about women’s sexuality by portraying them as emotionally unstable or inappropriately seeking approval. This oversimplification could contribute to a culture that objectifies and excessively sexualizes young girls and women by reinforcing harmful stereotypes. The phrase may also be part of a victim-blaming culture in which people place the blame for their problems on themselves rather than addressing the underlying reasons. It might hinder understanding and empathy in favour of passing judgement.
Although the media can help make these phrases more widely known, it’s important to understand that media representations are frequently overdone or simplified for entertainment value. Every parent-child relationship differs, so just because an Austrian neurologist from the nineteenth century says something regarding relationships children have with their parents, maybe it doesn’t necessarily apply to you. The complexity of human behaviour is sometimes oversimplified by the usage of words like ‘daddy issues’ and ‘mommy issues,’ while real-life relationships and family dynamics are diverse and intricate. People should be able to assess media narratives critically and understand that real-life events are complex and cannot be easily grouped into these slang phrases. All that I have really come to think about after writing this is that these terms are harmful to people when they are told they have these issues. Over-sexualizing themselves and others and reinforcing negative stereotypes about people who are just trying to live their lives.
