To the ballots | Aisling Murphy

Aisling Murphy fills us in on the dos and do nots of Film and TV elections.In honour of UCC’s upcoming elections, I’ve decided to help the candidates out by compiling a list of dos and don’ts one can take from various television shows and films that have dealt with elections. We all know the only place everyone learns anything from any more is the television anyway. Am I right? Or maybe this is the reason I have yet to achieve a first class honours in any module... Read closely, potential candidates, for these could be the difference between being college royalty or an unemployed graduate.     Napoleon Dynamite: The ‘Vote for Pedro’ t-shirt that will forever be remembered from this cult-classic shows that Napoleon and Pedro knew how to make a lasting impact when it came to student elections.DO: get your weird friend to help you but only if he is weird in a fantastic, iconic way; not a creepy, murderer-y way. Bonus point if said weird friend will wear your campaign t-shirt everywhere and is willing to dance in front of the student body in order to gain votes.DON’T: just presume you’ll get the vote because you’re good looking.     Ides of March: Basically, Ryan Gosling and George Clooney are on screen together a lot. And they are campaigning for an election, therefore it is worth mentioning.DO: get an election poster that has both the face of Ryan Gosling and George Clooney on it. Their beautiful faces will entice people of all creeds to vote for you.DON’T: have skeletons in your closet with which your opponents could bring you down. Unless the skeletons are hilarious and can be used to your advantage.     Glee: Nothing. That’s right. Glee can teach us nothing, despite running three elections in its four seasons. The only things it has taught us is that American thirty-something year olds pretending to be high school teenagers are really annoying. And that Sarah Jessica Parker is whiny in every role she ever plays.     Gangs of New York: While election strategies are a minor side plot in Scorsese’s historical crime drama, the sheriff elections shed light on some ‘unconventional’ tactics.DO: get a gang to support you. Preferably one of the Irish immigrants. Also, ensure that you get everyone to vote, regardless of whether they are willing or not...DON’T: run unless you have the support of Daniel Day-Lewis.     The West Wing: This inspirational series which ran for seven seasons depicted the two terms of the great American president that doesn’t exist but that we all hope someday will. It also showed how cool the White House is from bowling alleys to important military meeting rooms to the biggest fridges ever. I imagine the house in which the UCC student union president resides is pretty similar.DO: have inspirational quotes at hand to dispense to a person in need at any time. Also, talk quickly while walking at a fast pace down corridors, i.e. pretend you’re busy all the time. People like to see dedication and hard work, even if you are walking and talking really quickly to the New Bar to get a pint.DON’T: forget your roots. You may be big shot on campus now, but always remember the little people who helped get you there, otherwise your dream of being a leader like Jed Bartlet will come crashing down around you.