What a Girl Wants | Kieran Murphy
Women’s looks have long been scrutinised by the male eye with the common mantra being a man desires someone who’s a natural beauty with an ass to boot. However very little is said about what a woman wants, the sex tips in Cosmopolitan magazine usually being ‘How To Please Your Man’ rather than ‘How To Get What You Want’ so The UCC Express took to the corridors of UCC to find out what a girl really wants.The first woman to give us her two cents was Alicia Battenhouse, a final year Welsh and Commerce student who aspires to become the first D4 in space. In a fit of passion she declared that tight jeans were her number 1 pet hate, ‘Tight jeans on guys are a total turnoff for me. First of all because their balls have so little room to breathe they take up 2 seats in a lecture to give their boys some air but really, I want to know is what’s going on up there, not what’s in their crotch. The bulge is usually disappointing anyway.’ So guys while your dick maybe the centre of your universe, there’s really no need to have it on full display or at least not out of the bedroom.Once word spread that we were giving women a voice to air their disappointment in men’s style they started queuing up to give us their opinions. Of the 3,463 women we surveyed 95% stated that they can’t stand V-Necks, with the most passionate being Rosena Filimaua who’s in the 3rd of her PHD studying the effects of Diet Coke on Lab Rats. Filimaua stated that ‘V-Necks are never appropriate on any sort of guy, especially if they have more cleavage than I have.’ She went on to add that ‘The deepness of the V in a man’s t-shirt is usually an indicator of how much of a knob he is’.So much was said about men’s fashion that it could fill a dictionary but along with too tight jeans and v-necks men should also try to avoid pairing black shoes with jeans. Celinda Stocke, whose currentlu writing a thesis on Hidden Phallic Images in Victorian Children’s Literature explains ‘Black shoes with jeans are the garment equivalent of a mullet; it’s like business on the bottom but Cubins on the top. It’s clearly a symptom of schizophrenia’.So there you have it men, it’s a hard pill to swallow but this is what women want in a man. While it all may seem disparate and incoherent you could always turn to finding a woman who loves you for who you really are, but that seems like a lot of hard work.
