HEADLINES

BREAKING- Judge rules in favour of convicted rapist as his victims chastity belt was, “too revealing”.POLITICS- Theresa May scarecrows installed along Irish border.BREAKING- The portal to Hell has been found in the men’s bathroom in the Kane Building. The demonic gateway is located in the stall with shit smeared on the walls. You know the one.BUSINESS- Cork Landlords cite “The Haunting of Hill House” as main inspiration for their student properties.CULTURE- Ireland becomes first country to have fully clothed nudists.LIFESTYLE- A guide to staying with your shit boyfriend because you’re just too lazy to find anyone better.