UCC's Next Top Chicken Roll
Hello and welcome to UCC’s Next Top Chicken Roll. For those of you new to college life, your relationship with the God of all foods, the humble chicken roll, may only be a passing one. For those of you who are veterans of the war on hangovers, you know well the almighty powers these simple foodstuffs possess. I would go on further about the messiah-like healing powers they have, but honestly I’m just barely skirting the Blasphemy laws at this stage…Moving on, we’re going to rank the chicken rolls available around UCC, factoring in quality, cost and consistency.Honourable Mention 1: Your own homemade Chicken RollWe all know the story: the bread roll you bought on a whim is technically out of date but your roommate says it ‘looks grand,’ the Slovakian chicken nuggets you bought from Aldi two years ago is taking up space in the back of the freezer and your other roommate who you haven’t seen in a while has butter you’re *pretty* sure they never use. And you’ve a lecture in two minutes. And you’re hungover. “Feck it,” you tell yourself, “it’ll be grand,” but quite like any European army that’s tried to invade Russia in the course of history has learned, sometimes “feck it, it’ll be grand” isn’t quite correct. The homemade chicken roll is typically messy, regrettable and something you hope never to experience again, so it’s a bit like that one-night-stand you had with that weird guy from your sociology class, except the chicken roll is less likely to lead to an awkward tutorial. Honourable Mention 2: Luxury Char-Grilled Peri Peri Chicken Panini, Glucksman GalleryOkay, I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely sure that this actually exists, hence it only being an honourable mention. The Lewis Glucksman Gallery, if you didn’t know, is a fantastic little treasure hiding on our own campus. And by hiding on our own campus, I mean it being that wonderful-looking giant odd art gallery with its own café. I’ve been there for lunch many times, but have never had enough disposable income to actually warrant buying something here as opposed to the other entrants on this list. Still, if you want to treat yourself, the Glucksman is a good option, especially if you want to treat yo self. Number 3: Student Centre Chicken RollFor most impressionable Freshers, the Student Centre seems to be a great one-stop-shop to buy stationery, clothes, food and drink. And while a lot of this is true, their chicken rolls are really below par. Being the most expensive on this list, one would expect a standard befitting its lofty costs. Yet, here it is at the bottom of the list. Coming it at €4.50, the quality of everything is just...off. The bread is soft and floppy, the chicken oily and somehow burned & undercooked at the same time, the choice of salads minimal. You’d hope I just had one of their rolls on an off-day, but I went back several times, and the quality (or lack thereof) was consistent. So don’t go there for the chicken rolls, but maybe try something else? I hear they’re one of the only places in the country that do tuna without sweetcorn in rolls… Number 2: Main Rest Chicken RollProbably the most controversial entrant on this list, the quality of the main rest chicken roll is an oft debated topic in the lofty halls of the Philosoph...and dingy student apartments at 3am. And it’s soon to join the Freddo in the “typical thing people discuss when they have nothing to say to each other” as the price of the infamous roll has risen...by 55 cent. Yes, the Main Rest Chicken Roll has risen to the high price of €3.55. Higher quality chicken and bread than in the Student Centre, the Main is the go-to if you’re extremely hungover and in a rush to get to your lecture in the Soviet Bloc building that is the Kane (which somehow won an award for architecture), then the Main is your best bet. Number 1: Daybreak on College RoadHere it is, the King of the Chicken Roll, Clifford’s Daybreak on College Road. Prior the rapid somehow localised inflation that tragically struck the Main over the Summer, the only barrier to Daybreak clinching the crown (its €4 asking price) has disappeared. The quality of the bread is unmatched, its chicken sublime, the options of type of chicken & variety of salads unmatched by anything in the known universe...or at the very least the general UCC area. Top tip from a chicken roll veteran, the crowd in Daybreak at lunch time can often be out the door, so time is of the essence. And if you want something downright class, ask them to throw a few wedges in the roll, it is top quality.So there we have it. If you have any questions, or if you disagree with my assessment, then it’s ‘answers on a postcard’ or you can email ChickenRoll@UCCExpress.ie.